Perfection

Do you remember when you first met your spouse?  I sure do!  It was like fireworks were going off in rapid succession and I could barely think of anything else. I was certain that Jonny was absolutely perfect and through a lot of our marriage I remained convinced.  I had married the perfect man.

Perfection is a funny thing.  It seems like the ultimate compliment, but is it really?  

I never realized the pressure my compliment of perfection placed upon my beloved.  We walked through aching times together; through a child’s chronic illness; through too many surgeries to count; through medical school and residency.  Life was a mixture of pain and joy, and through it all my husband was a rock.

Some years back, I began to realize that my husband rarely shared his heart with me.  I couldn’t figure out why.  We got along great and really enjoyed spending time together, but deep sharing was strangely absent.  We would go to his parent’s house and he would share with them parts of himself that I had never before known.  He would tell them his intimate thoughts, feelings, and ideas, but I was never the one to hear those things first.

The more I began to realize this, the more it broke my heart.  My husband was shielding me from himself.  I was so thankful that he was so strong and steadfast, however, I didn’t realize that it was keeping me from really knowing him.

The other day, while I was driving to get groceries, this thought flashed through my mind.

Young love says ‘You’re perfect!’

Mature love says, ‘I see you!’

Love is all about knowing and being known.  I don’t want my husband to have to be perfect for me, all I want is to really know him, and for him to be truly seen by me.  No pretense, nothing fake or filtered, just really and truly being seen.

I want to know what makes him smile, what makes him angry, what makes him want to hide, what makes him afraid.  I want to see every part of him and celebrate the gift he is to me – not the pretense-gift, but the real treasure of who he is inside.

Our marriage has grown so much in the recent years, and we are on a journey of truly being known. I love that my husband sees me and loves me still, and I love truly seeing my beloved.  Mature love is a grand thing!   There is nothing more intimate than knowing and being known!